Warrior Cats Parody
by Mcnug3ts
Summary: The Into the Wild movie if it was made by a really effed up mind. Warning I won't be updating this much it's just a little side project for me to get a couple laughs out.
1. Chapter 1

12/13/09

Script ep: 1

Warriors Parody

Into The Wild

(After intro)

Scene 1

(Rusty: Ginger tom-cat lives life as a "kittypet" (house cat) He wakes up from the nights sleep and walks over to his food and takes a bite.)

Rusty: Crappy food

(He then walks outside where he sees the cat that lives next door. He jumps on the fence next to the cat who is staring at the wall)

Rusty: Hi Smudge

(Smudge turns around slowly)

Smudge: H-H-HI!!!!!!

Rusty: Um, yea, hi um, what's up?

Smudge: I-I-I-I went to eat b-b-b-breakfast and, and, and (Deep Breathing for 8 seconds) I-I-I really en-enjoyed it.

Rusty: WH-What was in it?

Smudge: I don't know it was white an-an-and it was delicious I LOVED IT!!

Rusty: Um, Kay

Smudge: I go get some more

(Smudge walks inside)

(Pause)

Rusty: Sure is a nice day. (Talking to himself)

(All of a sudden a dead bird randomly lands next to him.)

Rusty: What the Hell!

(Pause)

Rusty: It's still a pretty nice day.

(Randomly Smudge runs out of his house with his owner with an Uzi shooting at him)

Rusty: Holy Shit! Run Smudge run, run!!

Smudge: I know, when I want to take a shit I go outside I get it.

Rusty: The day is still nice.

(All of a sudden a NUC goes of a little farther away)

Rusty: Ok ok this is freaking the shit out of me all right.

Smudge: Wha-What o-ok yea.

Rusty: Yo, Smudge I had a dream last night.

Smudge: Were they fine?

Rusty: Excuse me?

Smudge: Were they big and juicy?

Rusty: Wha-What the hell are you talking about?

Smudge: You know what I'm talking about.

Rusty: Um, no I don't.

(Brief Pause)

Smudge: M'Kay

End Scene1

Scene 2

Rusty: Um anyways I was trying to catch a mouse when my fucking bell started ringing and it scared the mouse, but I looked into the forest and there were eyes staring at me.

Smudge: How many?

Rusty: 3 pairs

Smudge: Ha Ha you got stalkers. (email voice)

Rusty: Fuck you.

Smudge: When you say eyes do you mean like those.

(Smudge points into the forest where the eyes are staring at them.)

Rusty: I'm going to kill you and myself Smudge.

Smudge: Can you use the sponges?

(Pause)

Rusty: ….No

Smudge: I love you.

(Pause Then Rusty walks away into the forest)

Rusty: Anyone here.

(All of a sudden a cat jumps out and starts trying to beat the shit out of Rusty)

(Fight Scene 1 Graypaw vs. Rusty)

Graypaw: Shit you fight fucking good.

(Rusty eventually pins the cat down and the other cats walk out)

Lionheart: You fucking loser you lost to a kittypet.

Bluestar: Be easy on him he looks like a very nice cat. (Bluestar stares at Rusty Creepily)

Rusty: Anyone want to tell me what the hell is going on?

Graypaw: No.

Lionheart: Nope.

Bluestar: Not really.

Rusty: Fuckers!

Bluestar: What's your name?

Rusty: Rusty

Bluestar: What the hell kind of name is that?

Rusty: Um mine

Bluestar: Fucking loser.

Graypaw: That's not nice.

Bluestar: Shut up!!

Bluestar: Anyways do you want to join the clan?

Rusty: Wha....

Narrarator: Ok to clear something up if you just saw this and decided to watch it randomly and you have no idea what's going on let me help…GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASSES AND READ THE DAMN SERIES I'M NOT GOING TO GO INTO A LONG NARRATIVE OF WHAT THE CLANS DO GO BUY THE BOOK OR RENT IT AT YOURE NEAREST LIBRARY… LAZY BASTARDS.

(Pause)

Rusty: What was tha-?

Bluestar: Shut up, just shut up just learn to expect it that happens a lot.

Bluestar: Anyways answer my question.

Rusty: Can I think about it?

Bluestar: No you have to answer me right now… jk.

Rusty: jk?

Graypaw: Loser

Bluestar: Look just meet us hear tomorrow at sun-high.

Rusty: Sun-high?

Lionheart: What the hell is wrong with you? That means noon.

Bluestar: Fucking loser.

Rusty: What?

Bluestar: Nothing

Rusty: I feel verbally abused.

Bluestar: You should.

Rusty: What?

Bluestar: God shut up I didn't say anything.

(Pause)

Rusty: Kay

End Scene 2

Scene 3

(The next day at noon)

Bluestar: So do you have an answer.

Rusty: Well, I was thin-.

Bluestar: Silence, answer the question!!

Rusty: um… I was about to sa-.

Bluestar: I'll kill your family with a thought answer the question!!!

Rusty: Ok I'll join, Jebus Christ

(Bluestar giggles)

Bluestar: You said Jebus.

(Bluestar leads Rusty through the forest till they get to camp, naturally everyone was pretty pissed that a kittypet was in their camp.)

Bluestar: Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather here beneath the highrock for a clan meeting.

(Most of the cats were already there so few cats came out from where ever they were hiding including the attractive medicine cat.)

Rusty: Dude (Rusty whispers to Graypaw) she's fucking hot.

Graypaw: Yea, but she's the medicine cat whom is OFF LIMITS besides you're too young to mate and have sex only warriors can do that

Narrator: Apprentices turn to Warriors when they turn around 12 and 13 and a month for us is a year for them.

Rusty: ……So he seriously just pops out of nowhere and says something random.

Graypaw: Yep

Lionheart: Shut Up guys Bluestar is about to speak.

Rusty: M'kay

End of Scene 3

Scene 4

Bluestar: Now I know you're wondering why I called you all out here today and you may not know this yet but there is an outsider in our mist. I'm not going to point him out from the crowd… THERE HE IS THERES THAT FUCKER THE GINGER CAT WITH THAT FINE FUCKING ASS ISN'T HIS ASS JUST SO HOT.

(Obviously everyone turns and stares)

Rusty: What the Fuck Whore it was supposed to be silent bitch.

Bluestar:...I forgot

Longtail: Don't waste your breath Bluestar I'll take care of him for you.

Bluestar: Ohhh a fight I want to watch huh please can I pleaseeeeeeeeeee

Longtail: Umm Kay

Rusty: Oh shit

Graypaw: Have fun with your fight good luck

(Fight Scene 2 Rusty Vs. Longtail)

(Not going into fight that's up to the animators but at the end Longtail bights down on Rusty's collar tearing it off.)

Rusty: Hey the fuck you tore off my collar bitch.

Bluestar: I declare Rusty the Winner!!!!!!!

Longtail: Why he lost?

Bluestar: ……………..I said he's the winner.

Rusty: Sweet

(Actual quote from the book)

(A ray of sunshine then broke through the clouds and lands on Rusty making his fur look like it was on fire.)

Bluestar: The sun makes you look like the ground is on fire. From this day forward you will be known as Firepaw.

Firepaw: Wow Bluestar that was pretty deep

Bluestar: Yea STFU.

Firepaw: What?

Bluestar: What?

Firepaw: Didn't you say something.

Bluestar: No

Firepaw: Oh, M'kay

End Scene 4

End Episode 1


	2. Chapter 2

**Something I forgot to mention in the last chapter…I made these 2 episodes two years ago. (I changed the dates so I wouldn't seem like the biggest dick ever.) :P My sense of humor has gotten a lot better than what it was and the third episode will be a lot more "recent" ENJOY!!!**

1/16/10

Script ep.2

Warriors Parody

Into The Wild

(After The Intro)

Scene 1

Narrarator: So we left the clans with the newly named Fire-.

Bluestar: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOUR NOT WELCOME HERE ANYMORE!!!

(Throws a rock at him K. him)

(Suddenly a black and white cat comes into the camp)

Ravenpaw: OMG guys I've got bad news and OMFG bad news.

Bluestar: What is it?

Ravenpaw: (Gulp) Well the bad news is that we lost Sunningrocks.

Bluestar: Losers

Ravenpaw: What?

Bluestar: What?

Ravenpaw: Ummmm… and the OMFG bad news is that RiverClan doesn't like water anymore.

(All of a sudden a cat jumps out completely on fire screaming his head off, everyone just watches as the cat slowly dies.)

Bluestar: …….. K everybody that's the only food you guys get today.

(Everyone turns and stares at her)

Ravenpaw: Oh, and One more thing Redtail is dead.

Graypaw: No, he was our deputy.

Firepaw: Deputy?

Graypaw: Second in command.

(Voice behind Ravenpaw) and how did he die Ravenpaw.

Ravenpaw: Ummm Oakheart killed him and you took revenge and killed Oakheart.

Tigerclaw: Exactly and I say we hold a counterstrike and kick the living Fuck out of them.

Bluestar: I agree but I have to be back later to announce our new deputy.

Firepaw: Me t-

Tigerclaw: STFU Kittypet.

Firepaw: M'kay

End Scene 1

Scene 2

(Cats left to take back Sunningrocks: Bluestar, Tigerclaw, Lionheart, Firepaw, Graypaw, Sandpaw and Dustpaw.)

Firepaw: This is so exciting

(Firepaw turns to his two fellow apprentices Dustpaw and Sandpaw Tom and She-Cat)

Firepaw: Is this your guy's first battle

Dustpaw: STFU Kittypet

Firepaw: Everyone hates me

Graypaw: Just about except Me, Ravenpaw, Bluestar and Lionheart.

Firepaw: . (glance)

Graypaw: .

Firepaw: lol

Graypaw: lol

Tigerclaw: (Saying sarcastically) lol lol lol lol STFU lol lol lol lol you like that?!?!?

Firepaw: No, can't say that I do.

Bluestar: STFU back there I am thinking about our strategy.

Graypaw: What is our strategy?

Lionheart: Doing your mom.

Graypaw: Thanks Breh.

Bluestar: K here's our plan, Tigerclaw will jump out and tell them that the forest is on fire and maybe they'll flee and let us take their flag.

Tigerclaw: (saying cheerfully) Good plan one problem they won't believe me and then they'll kill me.

Bluestar: That's two problems.

Tigerclaw: (Saying Sarcastically) Oh, silly me.

Bluestar: (Smiles) It's ok

Dustpaw: Since Bluestar's plan sucks anyone else got a bright idea.

Firepaw: What if-

Tigerclaw: I thought I told you to STFU.

Firepaw: Sorry.

Sandpaw: How about one of us distracts the RiverClan cats and the rest go capture their flag.

Firepaw: What flag?

Sandpaw: That one that is so conveniently placed. (Points to a red flag on Sunningrocks)

Firepaw: Oh, why didn't I notice that before?

Bluestar: `Cause you're ugly.

Firepaw: What?

Bluestar: What?

Firepaw: Didn't you just-

Tigerclaw: STFU kittypet

Firepaw: M'kay

End Scene 2

Scene 3

Bluestar: Sandpaw's plan is good but who will be the bait.

Tigerclaw: Who else? (At that moment he kicks Firepaw in front of the RiverClan cats.)

RiverClan Cat #1: Where did he come from?  
RiverClan Cat #2: Who the hell is this?

RiverClan Cat #3: He smells a little like ThunderClan.

Firepaw: Fucking assholes

Tigerclaw: You're welcome.

RiverClan Cat #2: Did he just call us assholes

Firepaw: What? I wasn't talking to you.

RiverClan Cat #2: Why are we to Black for you?

Firepaw: Yes.

RiverClan Cat #2: Kill the Bitch.

(Clan Battle1: ThunderClan vs. RiverClan)

(Firepaw runs away with all three cats following him giving the other cats a chance to capture the flag. But then he stops running takes out a cigarette, lights it, smokes it once, then throws it on the floor and keeps running causing a small fire.)

RiverClan Cat #3: Whoa, shit fire

RiverClan Cat #1: Get a bucket and fill it with water to drown the flames.

RiverClan Cat #2: Yea, you know I found two problems with your plan 1: What the Fuck is a bucket? And 2: WE DON'T HAVE HANDS!!!

RiverClan Cat #1: Um, Sorry-

RiverClan Cat #2: Jus-Just don't even talk to me all right.

RiverClan Cat #1: Okay.

RiverClan Cat #3: We'll have to use our bodies to smother the fire.

RiverClan Cat #2: Oh, Damn

(They start rolling over the fire giving them 1st degree burns and their skin started peeling off :D)

RiverClan Cat #3: Ow, So much pain ohh.

RiverClan Cat #1: Wait why did we take the fire it could have burned down all of ThunderClan territory.

(Pause)

RiverClan Cat #2: Well, I'm going to go find a cliff preferably one about 20 feet tall and then you know hopefully if you guys make the right choices you'll see me again. (Then he leaves without saying another word.)

Tigerclaw: Wow, what losers.

Bluestar: I know right.

Lionheart: Yay, Sunningrocks is ours again.

Graypaw: How was your first battle Firepaw?

Firepaw: Like fucking your mother, terrible.

Graypaw: Thanks Breh.

Bluestar: Come on let's get back to camp and have a feast.

Firepaw: Yay

Tigerclaw: STFU kittypet.

Firepaw: M'kay

End of Scene 3

Scene 4

Narrarator: When they got to camp all the food they had though was two squirrels, a vole and a mouse.

Bluestar: (says quietly) I said YOU'RE NOT WELCOME HERE!!!

(Bluestar takes out a L96A1 and snipes the Narrarator in the leg)

Narrarator: Damn bitch why did you do that?

Bluestar: (Points gun at head.) I did it so you can't get away.

Now I suggest for your on safety that you get out of here you don't want to be lying defenseless while my clanmates are hungry.

Narrarator: You wouldn't-

Bluestar: Try me.

(The Narrarator limps to the edge of the camp and says)

Narrarator: I'll be back

(He then turns and leaves)

(Bluestar cocks her gun)

Bluestar: If I ever see that Mother Fucker again he'll wish I killed him.

Firepaw: Um, Bluestar who is that?

(Pause)

Bluestar: My enemy.

Firepaw: Oh M'kay.

Tigerclaw: Wait the Fuck up, why does every scene end with him saying M'kay.

Narrarator: IDK this is how we roll.

Bluestar: MOTHER FUCKER (Shoots at Narrarator but misses.)

(Narrarator talking to Firepaw telepathically)

Narrarator: Say M'kay

Firepaw: Why?

Narrarator: Just do it! We always have to end with you saying M'kay.

Firepaw: Fine M'kay

Narrarator: Yes…oops, say it again

Firepaw: M'kay

Narrarator: Thanks… shit not again, try again please.

Firepaw: M'kay

Narrarator: Great… Ah, Fuck

Firepaw: Wow, you fail.

Narrarator: One more time, please.

Firepaw: M'kay

Graypaw: Cocksucker!!

Narrarator: Oh, come fucking on.

Graypaw: Lol couldn't resist.

Narrarator: Yea, I'm sure you couldn't.

Firepaw: Get out of my head Graypaw.

Graypaw: M'kay

Narrarator: Please Firepaw, one more time; I'll end it before anyone can say anything else.

Firepaw: M'kay

End Scene 4(yes)

End episode 2


	3. Chapter 3

1/16/10

Script ep: 3

Warriors Parody

Into The Wild

(After Intro)

Scene 1

Narrarator: Bluestar is keeping watch outside camp when Firepaw walks up to her.

(Bluestar shoots at the Narrarator with the L96A1 but misses.)

Bluestar: Fuck…

Firepaw: Hey Bluestar, watchya doing.

Bluestar: I'm looking out for that guy; he's going to try something.

Firepaw: How do you know?

Bluestar: Because it's episode 3.

Firepaw: So?

Bluestar: Things get really fucked up in episode 3.

Firepaw: How do you know that?

Bluestar: Because young Firepaw I know everything. I know what will happen today, I know what will happen tomorrow; and you want to know why?

Firepaw: `Cause you touch yourself at night.

Bluestar: BECAUSE I AM GOD!!!

Firepaw: (Pause) Bitch! You're starting to freak me out.

Bluestar: Good the first thing to do is to make people fear you.

Firepaw: K but Bluestar, there is no God just our dead ancestors.

Bluestar: Sure but when I die I will make myself dictator.

Firepaw: How many lives do you have left?

Bluestar: 3, Oh shit, I forgot it was a secret.

Firepaw: What?

Bluestar: The clan thinks that I have five lives still, and I don't want to worry them because I only have 3 lives left.

Firepaw: Am I the only one who knows?

Bluestar: No, Spottedleaf knows and speaking of her you should go see her get your tail checked out.

Firepaw: Why what's wrong with it.

Bluestar: It's on fire.

(Firepaw turns around to see his tail on fire.)

Firepaw: Yea, It doesn't really hurt.

Bluestar: All the same you should get it checked out.

Firepaw: M'kay

End of Scene 1

Scene 2

Graypaw: Hey Firepaw, where you going?

Firepaw: Going to go see Spottedleaf.

Graypaw: Why?

Firepaw: Get my tail checked out.

Graypaw: What's wrong with it?

Firepaw: It's on fire.

Graypaw: That doesn't look to bad.

Firepaw: That's what I said.

Graypaw: Come on I'll go with you.

Firepaw: Kay

(They walk into the medicine cat den where they see Spottedleaf)

Graypaw: Hey, Spottedleaf there's something wrong with Firepaw's tail.

Spottedleaf: What's wrong with it?

Graypaw: It's on fire.

Spottedleaf: That doesn't look to bad.

Firepaw and Graypaw: That's what I said.

Spottedleaf: That's what your mother said.

Firepaw: What?

Spottedleaf: What?

Firepaw: You said something.

Spottedleaf: I say a lot of things.

Firepaw: Great, but what should I do with my tail?

Spottedleaf: Douse it in the ravine.

Graypaw: K thanks for all the help Spot-

Firepaw: Penis!!!

(Pause)

Graypaw and Spottedleaf: Whaaaaaaat?!?!

Firepaw: Ummmm, Denis that was my old housefolks name.

Spottedleaf: Well, anyways I'll see you guys-

Firepaw: Cock!!!

(Pause)

Spottedleaf: One more inappropriate comment and I'll slaughter you.

Graypaw: Ha, Firepaw's not afraid of you, Firepaw's not afraid of any-

Firepaw: Fuck me Spottedleaf!!!

Spottedleaf: I know I want to be fucked so badly.

Firepaw: I know, I know but we just can't you is a medicine cat.

Spottedleaf: Fuck being a medicine cat, I just need to get fucked so badly.

(Meanwhile Graypaw is standing there wide-eyed and freaked out.)

Graypaw: Umm… you know what …I… uhh… jus- Just no ok, that, that is just to fucked up.

(Pause)

Firepaw: SHUT UP!!!

Graypaw: (Pause) Jesus Christ, chill out-

Firepaw: No, no you chill out Mother-fucking son-of-a-

(At that moment Graypaw Vulcan Pinches Firepaw knocking him out)

(Pauses)

Spottedleaf: Was that really necessary?

Graypaw: No, no it wasn't (Drags Firepaw out into the open)

End Scene2

Scene 3

(Firepaw wakes up)

Firepaw: (looks at Graypaw) Asshole!!

Graypaw: Hey, chill I saved you from making a mistake.

Firepaw: I was going to get laid, where's the problem?

Graypaw: She's a medicine cat.

Firepaw: Fuck you.

(Pause)

Firepaw: So what do I do now?

Graypaw: Time to sleep.

Firepaw: Seriously, It's just past sun-high.

Graypaw: Yea but all new apprentices have to have a dream from StarClan that tells them their destiny.

Firepaw: Sounds pretty gay.

Graypaw: You're pretty gay.

Firepaw: Who was the one who was trying to get fucked a minute ago?

Graypaw: Some loser I'm friends with.

Firepaw: (Pause) That's really Fucking Funny.

Graypaw: Hell yes, see you're catching on

Firepaw: K then I guess I have to go nighty night

Bluestar: Who wants to go night-night (grins evilly at point's gun at them.)

Firepaw: (Raises hand) I did!

Bluestar: Fuck! I'm not allowed to kill you. (Pouts)

Graypaw: BS! You can kill him anytime you want.

Bluestar: (Glances) I don't believe I asked you.

Graypaw: You didn't.

Bluestar: Yea so shut up!

Graypaw: M'Kay

End scene 3

Scene 4

Firepaw: Ok I guess I have to sleep now.

Tigerclaw: I'm watching you.

Firepaw: (Turns to see him watching him from the apprentices den entrance.) Ummm...Good to know.

Tigerclaw: Yes, it is good to know. (leaves.)

Firepaw: Mother fucking freak. (Falls asleep and then wakes up in a dream. He seems to be standing in the middle of a battlefield with a cat he doesn't know standing next to him.)

Firepaw: Who are you?

Dream cat: No one important.

Firepaw: Ok then.

Dream cat: I didn't know cats could talk.

Firepaw: Your talking right now you dumb bitch.

Dream cat: Can you hunt?

Firepaw: Yea, I can do a lot of things dumbass.

Dream cat: Yea?

Firepaw: Yep

Dream cat: Yea?

Firepaw: Sure

Dream cat: Yea?

Firepaw: Affirmative

Dream cat: I'm going to fuck your brains out.

Firepaw: (Pause) Excuse me?

Dream cat: I'M. GOING. TO. DO. YOU!  
Firepaw: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Firepaw: (Wakes up from the dream.)

Firepaw: Whoa! Holy shit what a nightmare.

Sandpaw: Firepaw my love what is wrong?

Firepaw: (Notices that Sandpaw is right on top of him.)

Firepaw: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Firepaw: (Wakes up again.)

Firepaw: Whoa! That was way beyond fucked up what a nightmare.

Graypaw: Firepaw my love what is wrong?

Firepaw: (Notices Graypaw is on top of him.)

Firepaw: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Firepaw: (Wakes up.)

Firepaw: HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHITBALLS WHAT A NIGHTMARE!

Tigerclaw: Penis.

Firepaw: (Notices Tigerclaw on top of him.)

Firepaw: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Firepaw: (Wakes up.)

Firepaw: Whoa. That was actually kind of interesting.

Lionheart: Firepaw my love what is wrong?

Firepaw: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Firepaw: (Wakes up and checks to make sure nothing is humping him.)

Firepaw: Are we done with the rape!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Dustpaw: Shut up and go back to sleep you dumbass noob.

Graypaw; Yea, I need my sexy sleep.

Firepaw: Graypaw?

Graypaw: Yea?

Firepaw: If you ever mention Starclan to me again I will murder you in your sleep.

Graypaw: M'Kay

End Scene 4

End episode 3


	4. Chapter 4

3/27/10

Script ep: 4

Warriors Parody

Into the Wild

(After Intro)

Scene 1

Narrator: We see Firepaw-standing in the middle of the clearing licking himself.

Firepaw: Are you gay?

Narrator: Yes.

Firepaw: Please leave me alone fag.

Narrator: I refuse.

Firepaw: Oh okay then.

Narrator: Just then Bluestar walks into the clearing.

Bluestar: Get the fuck out of here NOW!

Narrator: Yes. (Staring at her with a stupid expression.)

Bluestar: (Stares back) Are you gay?

Narrator: No.

Firepaw: Fuck you.

Graypaw: (Graypaw walks up)

Bluestar: Leave this place.

Graypaw: You bitch.

Bluestar: Go hunting or something you Jew.

Graypaw: (Stares with his mouth hanging open then starts to cry.)

Bluestar: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Bluestar: (Smacks him up-side the head.) SHUT THE FUCK UP!

All: (Stares at Bluestar.)

Bluestar: (Leaves)

Graypaw: Ummm…ok then anybody want to hunt?

Firepaw: I would!

Graypaw: Wait we need to get a warrior to come with us.

Firepaw: Nah Fuck em all.

Graypaw: M'Kay

End Scene 1

Scene 2

Graypaw: HELLO?

Firepaw: (Smacks him.)

Firepaw: Yea top notch hunting you idiot.

Graypaw: I thought I saw something over in those bushes.

Firepaw: So you greet it? It could be prey dumbass.

Graypaw: No, it looked like a cat.

Firepaw: Again why would you call out-

Narrator: Suddenly Firepaw was attacked from behind by a gray she-cat.

Firepaw: Mother of- (Is silenced with a slash to the face.)

Firepaw: HELP ME GRAYPAW!!!

Graypaw: Oh I'm sorry I'm to busy talking to large prey.

Firepaw: FUCK YOU!!!

Graypaw: Gladly (Turns and leaves.)

Narrator: Firepaw backs away from the she-cats cold claws.

Firepaw: Why aren't you helping me!?!?!

Narrator: Because I'm gay remember.

Firepaw: (mumbles) Mother fucking whore.

She-Cat: Enough talk I eat you. You go in tummy.

Firepaw: Ewww cannibalism much.

She-Cat: SILENCE!

Narrator: Graypaw returns.

Graypaw: Hello?

Firepaw: (facepalm) For the love of everything good, SHUT UP GRAYPAW!!

Graypaw: (huffs) Fine I won't share any of my prey.

She-Cat: P-p-prey!!!!!

Narrator: The she-cat runs over and tackles Graypaw (knocking him out) and starts to devour his fresh-kill.

Firepaw: Asshole….it's not polite to knock people out for their food.

She-cat: *Ignores*

Firepaw: Fine, asshole, you deserve this! *attacks*

(Fight scene 3 Firepaw vs. Strange cat A.K.A. the scene that I'm to lazy to write. After all this is for humor not for fucking fighting :D)

Narrator: Hey Firepaw pined the cat down what a fucking surprise.

Firepaw: Don't sound so thrilled people will assume you care.

Narrator: Pfft I'll just deny it.

She-cat: Hey asshole, get off me I didn't know apprentices got so horny.

Firepaw: *Rolls eyes* Who are you?

She-cat: I'm Yellowfang Ex-Medicine cat of Shadowclan.

Firepaw: Ex?

Yellowfang: Yeah, I was accused of molesting apprentices…so they ran me out.

Firepaw: *Eyes widen and he takes a step back* Okay…..

Yellowfang: Anyway…..BYE! *Attempts to run but trips on a branch and goes flying into a tree.*

Yellowfang: OWWW SHIT!

Firepaw: *Laughs hysterically*

Yellowfang: *Rolls around in pain* You fucking asshole!

Graypaw: Oh suck it up you old hag.

Firepaw: Come on Graypaw we should take her back to camp.

Graypaw: M'Kay

End Scene 2

Scene 3

Narrator: Firepaw and Graypaw walk in with a cat unfamiliar to Thunderclan.

Bluestar: *ignores the narrator* What are you doing Firepaw?

Firepaw: Me and Graypaw found this cat wondering around….she's hurt.

Bluestar What! *rage* you think that you should just come in here helping someone who do you think we are good cats?!?!?!

Graypaw: What?

Bluestar: Shut up Firepaw!

Graypaw: That was me.

Firepaw: Keep your damn mouth shut!

Firepaw and Graypaw: Uhhhh…

Bluestar: Firepaw because you didn't keep your mouth shut and because you helped a defenseless cat-

Yellowfang: Defenseless!?

Bluestar: You will have to take care of this cat get it fat so we can eat it later. If it dies before it's gets fat the clan will eat you!

Firepaw: *Gulp* Yes Bluestar.

Bluestar: Good, BTW, you're going to the next gathering.

Firepaw: What?

Bluestar: Did I stutter bitch? You're going to the gathering!

Firepaw: Ummm thanks…

Bluestar: Oh and what's his name can go. His name starts with a "G" I want to say Gregory.

Firepaw: Graypaw?

Graypaw: Ummm me?

Bluestar: Yeah, him, tell him he's going to the gathering tonight.

Graypaw: (Waves at Bluestar) Yeah, ummm, right here!

Bluestar: (Stares off into space) Kaythainxbai!

Graypaw: Ass.

End Scene 3

End episode 4

**Sorry for the unusually short and late one guys I have been caught by the deadly virus called laziness.**


	5. Chapter 5

6/27/10

Script ep: 5

Warriors Parody

Into the Wild

(After Intro)

Scene 1

Narrator: And so ThunderClan was on their way to- (The Narrator was cut off from a knife coming out of his neck. He gurgled, fell over and died.)

Bluestar: WhoO! (A giant Bull's-eye and 500+ appeared over Bluestar.)

Bluestar: I iz M4573r l337!1one!1!

Firepaw: And then you woke up.

Bluestar: (giggles) Fuck you man.

Firepaw: With pleasure.

Graypaw: Whoa, can I cut into this?

Lionheart: Yeah me to I haven't had a good fucking since that tree th- I mean since that loner. Haha yeah. Haha

Sandpaw: *sighs* Still a virgin.

Tigerclaw: That should be fixed immediately.

Sandpaw: *Whimpers*

Bluestar: Lionheart I have to sneeze.

Lionheart: …okay?

Bluestar: Let's press on, shall we? (She marches forward.)

(The rest follow.)

Graypaw: Hey Firepaw, guess what!

Firepaw: What?

Graypaw: Chicken butt! (Laughs his ass off.)

Firepaw: …Wow.

Graypaw: Hey Firepaw, guess who!

Firepaw: Who?

Graypaw: Chicken poo! (Laughs his ass offx2.)

Firepaw: Haha, you're so fucking funny that I forgot to laugh, then I remembered, and then I forgot again.

Graypaw: Awwww you're making me blush.

Firepaw: Good to know.

Graypaw: *gasp* Really?

Firepaw: No.

Bluestar: Shhh stop talking to yourself Firepaw we're almost there.

Firepaw: I was actually talking to Graypaw.

Bluestar: Who?

Firepaw: CHICKEN POO!

Bluestar: …What?

Firepaw: Oh sorry, ummm, just something I heard today.

Bluestar: Who the fuck were you listening to?

Firepaw: Graypaw.

Bluestar: Who?

Graypaw: You're a whore.

Bluestar Did you just call me a whore Firepaw!

Firepaw: No.

Bluestar: Okay, good it must have been one of the voices in my head.

Firepaw: Yeah must of.

Bluestar: Hmmm well were here now. GET YOUR GAME FACES ON BITCHES! (she yells)

Firepaw: M'Kay

End Scene 1

Scene 2

(The Thunderclan cats enter. They are the last ones to arrive as usual since they arrive last in every. Fucking. Book.)

Firepaw: Wowzers lots of cats here.

Bluestar: Hmm since its ya'lls first time I'll tell you basically the Synopsis for the cats. Shadowclan equals the don't-fuck-with-me-i-sell-drugs-booze-and-guns-kind-of-group-and-i-fucking-love-dashes-with-all-my-life-i-think-ill-have-sex-with-dashes-and-have-baby-underscores.

Firepaw: *blinks* What the fuck was tha-

Bluestar: Oh my God I am fucking begging you. Shut up when I'm talking.

Firepaw: Okay.

Bluestar: Riverclan consists of cheap whores and jiggalos [I can not spell that word to save my life.] So if you're looking for a good time or just want oral sex for the price of one mouse, Riverclan is where you want to go.

Graypaw: (Scoots over to the Riverclan side) Sounds like my kind of place.

Bluestar: (Ignores Graypaw) Windclan consists of hippies, peace-makers tree huggers the usual people you like to take a piss on.

Firepaw: But I don't like to piss on people.

Bluestar: To fucking bad.

Firepaw: Yes it is.

Bluestar: Well go enjoy yourself, get laid, do drugs, party!

Firepaw: Okey Dokey see ya later.

Graypaw: Come on Firepaw lets visit the Riverclan cats.

Firepaw: Hell yes.

End Scene 2

Scene 3

Narrator: Well look who the fuck it is. Firepaw, Graypaw mis amigos! How are you!

Firepaw: Pretty good dude.

Graypaw: Not much, you?

Firepaw: Didn't you die?

Narrator: Nah, I'm the narrator. I can't die!

Firepaw: So what are you doing?

Narrator: Trying to grab some hoes but they don't except money, just small dead animals. I'll never understand you people.

Firepaw: And we'll never understand you.

Narrator: Haha…fuck yourself.

Firepaw: Kay but wait I'd rather be fucked by the Riverclan chicas so if you'll excuse us. (Skirts around the Narrator with Graypaw close behind.)

(Firepaw and Graypaw were walking deeper amidst the Riverclanners when a Riverclan she-cat approached Graypaw.)

Riverclan cat: Hey baby, what's your name?

Graypaw: Name's Graypaw. What be yours little lady?

Riverclan cat: My name's Silverpaw it's nice to meet you.

Graypaw: Yeah, can we skip this part and get right to it?

Firepaw: I thought you said apprentices couldn't mate Graypaw.

Graypaw: (Grins) Oh shut the fuck up Firepaw.

Silverpaw: (presses herself into Graypaw) Well if you want to "get right to it", as you elegantly put it, it will cost a little extra.

Graypaw: You don't even know what I want.

Firepaw:You make it a little obvious.

Graypaw: Your an ass.

Firepaw: Are you calling me a donkey!

Graypaw: No I'm calling you a Democrat.

Firepaw: Your a forest cat how the hell do you know what that means.

Graypaw: I don't it just sounds like a cool word. It's like Demo- and then...wait for it...! -crat

Firepaw: You really are an idiot.

Graypaw: Yeah I'm also about to get laid so if you don't mind me and Silverpaw are just going to fuck off now. (Him and Silverpaw skip merrily away.)

Firepaw: *Grumbles*

End scene 3

Scene 4

Narrator: Firepaw had now gone over to the Shadowclan side to check things out.

Firepaw: Hey rator, can I call you rator?

Narrator: Fuck off.

Firepaw: Oooh were in a bad mood. Couldn't find any dead animals?

Narrator: Oh there will be a dead animals soon.

Firepaw: Is that a threat?

Narrator: Not you!

Firepaw: Then who?

Narrator: Chicken Poo!

Firepaw: It sounds so lame when you say it.

Narrator: It sounds gay when you say it.

Firepaw: M'kay well what are you doing?

Narrator: Staking out the enemy.

Firepaw: Stalking?

Narrator: Yes.

Firepaw: Oh okay well I'm going to go get stoned. It looks like your already there.

Narrator: (Flicks him off.)

Narrator: Firepaw walked up to a Shadowclan cat and a Riverclan cat making a transaction.

Riverclan cat: Come on man. I-I-I need it you know come on man I'm good for it.

Shadowclan cat: Is that so? `Cause last time you said that I had to cut off your thumb.

Riverclan cat: Yeah yeah I remember but I'm good for it this time. Honest!

Shadowclan cat: Aha! You don't have thumbs so you must already be stoned.

Riverclan cat: Hahaha very fucking funny. Now, give me the shit!

Firepaw: May I intervene?

Riverclan cat: No, you can fuck off though.

Firepaw: Oh yeah you're real cool.

Shadowclan cat: Can I help you?

Firepaw: Yeah I'll have whatever he isn't getting.

Riverclan cat: (Backs away slowly.) Fuck you...Fuck you both...I'm gone. (Leaves)

Shadowclan cat: Don't mind him. He's an asshole.

Firepaw: Yeah, I noticed.

Shadowclan: So you wanted what he wanted, right?

Firepaw: Yeah that's right. I'm good for it.

Shadowclan cat: Oh really?

Firepaw: Well... I'll be good for it the next gathering.

Shadowclan cat: (Grunts) Well alright here. (He takes out a glob of a green, slimy looking mess.

Firepaw: What the hell is that! Ew, why would anyone like that?

Shadowclan cat: It's green, it's slimy, and you incert it through your anal. What's not to love?

Firepaw: All of the above maybe!

Shadowclan cat: Psh do you want it or not?

Firepaw: Yeah yeah I'll take it. it will get Yellowfang off my back for a little while.

Shadowclan cat: All right. Name's Clawface, by the way, just telling you so you can pay me later. And if you don't pay me you I will personally fuck the hell out of you in the middle of the night so hard that when you want to take a shit you won't be able to, you want to know why? It'll be because my penis is so wedged up your ass I had to cut it off with my own claws to get out of your camp.

Firepaw: ...M'kay

End Scene 4

End Episode 5


	6. Chapter 6

8/20/2010

Script ep: 6

Warriors Parody

Into the Wild

(After Intro)

Scene 1

Narrator: The gathering had begun. Each of the leaders began to climb onto a huge rock. Heh huge rock! Heh, get it?

Crookedstar: Gay?

Brokenstar: Retarded?

Bluestar: Mentally challenged?

Brokenstar: That's what retarded is retard.

Bluestar: Meanie.

Brokenstar: Slut.

Bluestar: (blinks) That hurts...that really does.

Crookedstar: Eh, I'm used to being called a slut.

Bluestar: Shut up, whore.

Crookedstar: Ah, mixing it up a little I see.

Narrator: CAN YOU IDIOTS JUST PLEASE START THE FUCKING GATHERING!

Brokenstar: I don't know dipshit, can we?

Narrator: By all means.

Brokenstar: Thank you. I'll go first. (clears throat) Sha-

Bluestar: Bless you.

Brokenstar: (stares at her.) Shut the fuck up.

Bluestar: Okay, geeze, you're acting like a druggie with HIV.

Brokenstar: That's because I am a druggie with HIV.

Bluestar: Oh, it would have been nice to know that before we had sex.

Brokenstar: Yeah well, what you don't know, won't give you a sexually transmitted disease.

Bluestar: Fuck you.

Brokenstar: Oh you.

Firepaw: (screams) M'kay.

All: (Stares at him.)

Crookedstar: Uh, what?

Firepaw: What?

Crookedstar: Why did you just shout?

Firepaw: Why didn't you just shout.

Crookedstar: Cause I don't have tourette's.

Firepaw: Hey that's not funny tourette's is very serious.

Crookedstar: Get blown.

Firepaw: One of your favorite activities I hear.

Bluestar: Firepaw just tell us why you fucking shouted.

Firepaw: I dunno, just thought the scene should of ended at that moment.

Brokenstar: That's retarded.

Firepaw; You're retarded.

Brokenstar: Hey that's not funny mental retardation is very serious.

Firepaw: Hahaha M'kay.

End Scene 1

Scene 2

Bluestar: Okay shits, I think i'll go first.

Crokedstar: Wait, where is Tallstar and the rest of Windclan?

Brokenstar: In my pants?

Bluestar: Oh, that is clever, really witty.

Brokenstar: Who asked you whore?

Bluestar: Fair enough.

Crookedstar: Well should we wait fo-

Brokenstar: No.

Crookedstar: Why?

Brokenstar: Why not?

Narrator: Writer you fucking suck all you do is have them answer a question with a question it's fucking lame.

Writer: You know what, suck my dick.

Narrator: Nah, sucking your own dick is disgusting.

Writer: Heh, says you.

Crookedstar: Uh, excuse me?

Narrator and Writer: Yes?

Crookedstar: Shut the fuck up.

Writer: (Glares) I can kill you... with a single thought.

Crookedstar:(Whimpers) Spare me...

Writer: Suck my dick first.

Narator: I like how both times you asked people to suck your dick they were guys.

Writer: Hahahahahahahahahahaha... I'm so embarresed.

Narrator: It's okay man we'll get you through this.

Writer: (Sobs) I don't wanna be homosexual!

Narrator: I know right, then you'd have to move to San Fransisco.

Writer: Great, fucking spot on. I can already see the hate mail coming from the fans in San Fran.

Firepaw: What fans?

Writer: Good point.

Firepaw: (blinks) I'm confused.

Brokenstar: (Had watched everything in silence.) Can we please... start... the fucking... gathering.

Crookedstar: We can't Windclan isn't here yet.

Bluestar: Who gives a shit.

Crookedstar: I do.

Bluestar: Well in that case, you're gay.

Narrator: Hey, it's been enough jokes on homo's expense. Cut it out.

Bluestar: (rage) WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LISTEN TO YOU! I. FUCKING. HATE. YOU!

Narrator: Because I'm a sexy beast.

Bluestar: Be that as it may; you still suck.

Narrator: Fair enough.

Bluestar: Good, let the gathering commence.

End Scene 2

Scene 3

Bluestar: Okay not much has changed since the last gathering.

Firepaw: Umm, me!

Graypaw: And Yellowfang.

Bluestar: Shut up Firepaw.

Firepaw: (Whispers) Notice how she didn't say "Shut up Graypaw."

Graypaw: Go to hell.

Firepaw: I don't want to.

Graypaw: Then we have a problem-

Bluestar: AS I WAS SAYING! We have a new cat amongst our ranks as an apprentice. Please welcome Fire-... Fire-... uh... What's your name again kid?

Firepaw: Firepaw...?

Bluestar: Right... FIREPAW EVERYBODY!

Narrator: there was a general uproar of applause.

Bluestar: Quiet you. Also we have a loner in our custody and she is being watched over by Firepaw because he wouldn't shut up and he's nice.

Firepaw: (Whispers to Graypaw) Notice hoe she d-

Graypaw: SHUT UP!

Bluestar: FITEPAW! IF YOU TELL ME TO SHUT UP ONE MORE TIME TONIGHT, I WILL FEED YOU TO THE NARRATOR!

Narrator: Hey I'm not Chinese I don't eat cat.

Writer: OMIGAWD We are losing so many fans because of you!

Narrator: WHAT FANS!

Writer: I DON'T KNOW! STOP YELLING AT ME!

Narrator: Ok.

Writer: Thanks.

Narrator: Now get the fuck out of here. Kaythainxbai.

Writer: M'kay.

End of Scene 3

Scene 4

Crookedstar: You are the biggest bunch of retards I have ever seen in my life.

Bluestar: You love me lots now?

Crookedstar: Shut up whore.

Bluestar: Why are you talking to yourself?

Crookedstar: I find that talking to myself incredibly useful at times.

Writer: Heh, heh, heh, heh, refrences.

Narrator: GET OUT!

Crookedstar: I think I'll go next now. (Stands up proudly) Riverclan is-

Bluestar: Also in Thunderclan the prey is running well and know one is currently hurt.

Crookedstar: (Glared at her) What the hell! You already went!

Bluestar: Ah, but that is where you are wrong, I never said I was finished, did I!

Crookedstar: (Rolls eyes) Whatever, anyway, The prey is swimming well in Riverclan and-

Bluestar: Also Redtail is dead.

Crookedstar: Bluestar, If you don't shut up I am going to so thoroughly paint this rock with your blood that the rock will fuck your blood and little offspring of the Great Rock and Bluestar will be running around. How the fuck does that sound?

Bluestar: Not great. I can't stand children.

Crookedstar: Then it would be best if you SHUT THE FUCK UP! NOW, as I was saying... Riverclan has-

Bluestar: Redtail was replaced by Liontail and-

Narrator: (Shoots Bluestar in the head. A giant "Buzzkill" appeared over him.) One life down, two more to go. Had to do it, bitch was on a roll

Crookedstar: Wow...umm thanks.

Narrator: Hey this doesn't come without payment. Three virgins. My place. Tonight.

Crookedstar: Done. Anyway, Biverclan has uhhh hold on. (Pulls out a peice of paper and glasses.)

Brokenstar: What the fuck are those?

Crookedstar: Paper and glasses.

Brokenstar: Uhhh...

Crookedstar: Anyway, uhhh, oh yes Riverclan has 16 new kits.

All: WHAT!

Crokedstar: Oops my mistake the paper was upside down. Riverclan has 91 new kits

All: WHAT!x2

Narrator: Heh, heh, someone was busy.

Crookedstar: That is all. (Backs away deliberatly stepping on Bluestar's still dead body. Graypaw poked her with a stick with a worried look on his face.)

Brokenstar: (Stood up) Everyone, I assume you are wondering why Windclan isn't here.

All: NO!

Crookedstar: Well actually- (Gets headshot by Narrator)

Narrator: Sorry! Trigger happy! Can't be helped.

Brokenstar: Liars! You are curious! But guess what! SHADOWCLAN DROVE THEM OUT! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT!

(Silence)

Narrator: Wanna go fuck behind a tree?

Brokenstar: Gladly.

(They both walk away into the forest. Now the clan cats are alone without any leaders. A Riverclan cat jumper on the high rock.)

Riverclan cat: EVERYBODY LETS GET FFFFFFFFFFUCKED!

All: YEAH!

(And then began the fuck fest...of a century...)

End Scene 4

End Episode 6


	7. Chapter 7

**Holy shit I'm updating!**

11/28/10

Script ep: 7

Warriors Parody

Into the Wild

(After Intro)

Scene 1

Firepaw: Oh. My. GOD!

Narrator: The patrol returns to Thunderclan in a daze, white spots covered their fur Tom cats and she cats alike. Especially Bluestar, I mean, just look at her!

(Lionheart was dragging her still dead body into the clearing her body drenched with cum.)

Graypaw: Why won't she wake up?

Spottedleaf: Bullet wounds to the head are pretty severe Graypaw.

Graypaw: But she has like 6 lives left!

Spottedleaf: Heh, yeah, 6 lives, heh. *Nudges Firepaw's flank then gasps when she touches him.*

Spottedleaf: Ewwwww! You have cum all over you!

Firepaw: And not just any cum! This looks like a mixture of Clawface, Lionheart, Brokenstar, Narrator, Tigerheart, you, Bluestar, and Graypaw.

Spottedleaf: You're a whore.

Firepaw: Hater.

Yellowfang: What happened to you guys? *Is staring at the patrol.*

Firepaw: Are you stupid? I thought our fur would be able to paint the picture for you.

Yellowfang: I haven't seen that stuff for over 50 moons.

Firepaw: Ewwwww old cat sex! *Spazzes*

Yellowfang: Shut the fuck up.

Narrator: At the moment Bluestar finally wakes up.

Bluestar: Whoa, I have a headache. Firepaw be a dear and bring me some ibuprofen and a glass of blood, and maybe some mice to nibble on.

Firepaw: Get it yourself bitch.

Bluestar: Excuse me! I am your leader!

Firepaw: Point?

Bluestar: I'm better than you.

Firepaw: And also a little conceded.

Bluestar: Firepaw shut the hell up. I don't care! Just get me the shi-

Narrator: *Shivs Bluestar from behind.* I…am so sick of her talking.

Firepaw: Thanks.

Narrator: It wasn't for you.

Firepaw: Oh, well in that case you're a complete loser and no one likes you.

Narrator: You just insulted the guy with the knife and a bloody one that's covered with AIDS at that. You weren't the sharpest tack in the box were you?

Firepaw: Now when say I loser I mean awesome person and when I say no one likes you…uh happy opposite day!

Narrator: I like to murder people.

Firepaw: Hey something we have in common.

Graypaw: Guys I have to pee.

Firepaw: Graypaw I'm not helping you anymore you took like 5 hours the last time something came out of your dick.

Graypaw: Ha, ha, ha…yeah it did didn't it.

End scene 1

Scene 2

Narrator: Bluestar walks over to a big rock and sits on it.

Bluestar: …OH I GET IT!

Narrator: Apparently sitting on big rocks makes Bluestar understand sexual innuendos.

Bluestar: Hey shut up, you've probably sat on more rocks then I have.

Narrator: Lies. I'm straight as a pole.

Bluestar: The jizz all over you proves otherwise.

Narrator: That's milk bitch.

Bluestar: Breast milk to huh? Kinky. *Turns away from him* Everyone I need your attention!

Firepaw: *Groans* But I hate you! *Whines*

Graypaw: *Groans* But you don't know I exist! *Whines*

Lionheart: *Groans* But I'm an unimportant character that tries to act important! *Whines*

Tigerclaw: *Groans* But I'm a complete and total badass with the unfortunate side effect of being a psychopath!

Bluestar: ….Big words. Anyway I need to go to the moonstone.

Firepaw: *Gets in Bluestar's face and starts looking around in opposite directions rapidly*

Bluestar: What the fuck are you doing?

Firepaw: Oh don't mind me. I'm just looking for the people who care.

Bluestar: *Tear slides down her face.* I care.

Firepaw: Awwww don't cry. *Reaches out to wipe the tear away from her face.*

Narrator: Bluestar quickly grabs Firepaw's forearm and snaps it in half with the bone penetrating the skin. Firepaw screams as Bluestar shoves her arm into Firepaw's and starts pulling the bone out of its socket. She then throws him to the ground as he howls with pain and she stomps on his face in slow motion while blood flies ever. When she's finished she spits on him.

Bluestar: Go see Spottedleaf. You're going with me.

Firepaw: M'kay

End Scene 2

Scene 3

Firepaw: *Hobbles into Spottedleaf's den.*

Spottedleaf: Come back for more hu- Holy hell what happened to you?

Firepaw: I hurt Bluestar's feelings.

Spottedleaf: Maybe you shouldn't do that.

Firepaw: Maybe you should shut the fuck up and make me feel good.

Spottedleaf: This I can do easily.

Firepaw: Then do it, bitch.

Spottedleaf: Hey you used to be a pretty nice guy what the fuck happened.

Firepaw: I came to live here.

Spottedleaf: Funny. What really happened?

Firepaw: I just got the shit kicked out of me by a she-cat. It kind of demoralizes you believe it or not.

Spottedleaf: It is Bluestar though.

Firepaw: So?

Spottedleaf: Didn't you know? She's a fucking ninja!

Firepaw: Oh I thought she seemed more of the gladiator type. *Rolls eyes* Just fix me up, bitch…please.

Spottedleaf: Sure, but what do I get in return? *Winks and gets to work on fixing him.*

Firepaw: You get the whole clan to continue thinking you're not a slut. Pretty good deal if you want my two cents in it.

Spottedleaf: You really are the biggest jackass I know…but I love you.

Firepaw: I have insulted you numerous times and you love me? You don't meet many guys do you?

Spottedleaf: I'm starting to think you do, faggot.

Firepaw: Ouch, that took a blow to my rainbow colored heart.

Spottedleaf: I'm done fixing you. Here are some herbs for everyone that will be traveling. Now get the fuck out of my den.

Firepaw: Goodbye kisses?

Spottedleaf: No. Get out.

Firepaw: Goodbye fuck?

Spottedleaf: Yes, please.

Firepaw: Psych! *Runs out of the den giggling.*

Spottedleaf: Dick.

End Scene 3

Scene 4

Firepaw: *Walks back into the clearing.* I'M READY!

Bluestar: That's great.

Firepaw:…Weren't you knifed in the back?

Bluestar: Yeah.

Firepaw: How the fuck are you alive and ready for travel?

Bluestar: I'm a mahfucking ninja!

Firepaw: Of course. Cause even ninjas can somehow survive knife wounds in the back and travel for miles. No big deal.

Bluestar: If I call out your name you are going to moonstone with me: Firepaw, Tigerclaw, Lionheart, Ravenpaw, and…God what is his name…I want to say Jimmy? NO! James? Yeah that's it, and James will be coming with me!

Firepaw: Cool beans.

Tigerclaw: FUCK YEAH!

Lionheart: Am I dieing soon? I forget.

Ravenpaw:…Oh I'm actually going to be mentioned in the story? Yeah that's right. Everyone forgets about poor Ravenpaw. Poor Ravenpaw, the helpless little bastard who can't fight, can't hunt, and can't pick up chicks. Well you know what. Fuck all of you! You fucking shits are the reason I cut myself when I go to sleep and you know what else! Fuck girls! I don't need them. I just want to be loved and if I can't get it from girls then I have no other option. Fuck this clan to! I'm leaving. Enjoy fucking yourselves repeatedly in the ass you fucking heartless pieces of shit! *Leaves*

*Dead silence*

Bluestar: Who was that?

*Everyone shrugs*

Bluestar: Oh okay.

Graypaw: Who's James?

Bluestar: Well, personwhoIdon'tknowtalked, James is Firepaw's best friend.

Graypaw: So me?

Bluestar: No, James, insignificant cat.

Firepaw: I 3 this game.

Graypaw: I'm going to 3 your face.

Firepaw: Kinky.

Tigerclaw: Are you fucking gaytards done? Let's get the fuck going.

Firepaw: That's exactly what Graypaw and I are trying to do. Get the fuck going.

Bluestar: I'm hungry.

Lionheart: Can we go? I can't wait to be in a dark cave with Bluestar and all you little apprentices with me in this dark cave.

Bluestar: Yeah let's get the fuck going.

Firepaw & Graypaw: *Giggles like little school girls when they see a cute guy look at them when they walk by him.*

Bluestar: Shut up.

Firepaw & Graypaw: M'Kay.

End Scene 4

End Episode 7


	8. Chapter 8

**I think I will take this opportunity to say "THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING!" For shizzles it motivates me. JK That was bullshit. If it was true I wouldn't have taken so long to update. ;) BUT SERIOUSLY thanks for reviewing. I really do enjoy them. Special shout out to XXdreamerXgirlXX for reviewing like 5 times. Pretty awesome. **

3/16/10

Script ep: 8

Warriors Parody

Into the Wild

(After Intro)

Scene 1

Graypaw: OMG I'M SO EXCITED! ARE YOU EXCITED? I'M EXCITED! WE SHOULD SING A SONG! IT WOULD BE FUN! LIKE HAVING SEX WITH A MEAT GRINDER! WHAT SHOULD WE SING! I KNOW, LET'S SING CALIFORNIA GURLS! OK HERE WE GO SING ALONG: I KNOW A PLACE! WHERE THE GRASS IS-

Narrator: Suddenly there is a loud boom and a small bloody hole opens up in Graypaw's head.

Graypaw: What the fuck are you talking about there isn't a hole in my head.

Narrator: Oh really? Look again.

Graypaw: *Looks up* Nope. Still no ho- *A boom rings out and a small hole appears in Graypaw's forehead. He drops to the floor dead.*

Narrator: Huh. I was quite sure there was. My mistake, Graypaw.

Graypaw: *No response*

Bluestar: I hate that song anyway.

Narrator: You hate everything.

Bluestar: I kill things I hate.

Narrator: I'm pretty sure you can't kill a song.

Bluestar: Watch me.

Narrator: I'll pass. Looking at you once an episode is painful enough.

Bluestar: Looking at your ass is painful enough. Oh no wait that's your face. Sorry it's hard to tell the difference.

Narrator: It's ok. I already knew you weren't smart enough to tell an ass from a face. (Seriously who does that?)

Bluestar: It's because your face is just so damn ugly.

Narrator: Nah I'm pretty sure you're just a dumbass who-

Tigerclaw: Are you guys fucking five years old? Shut the fuck up we're at Fourtrees.

Bluestar & Narrator: M'Kay

End Scene 1

Scene 2

Firepaw: *Hops down to the bottom of Fourtrees.* Ahhh, the memories here.

Lionheart: Memory. *Corrects him*

Firepaw: Lionheart shut up you're not even supposed to be on this journey.

Lionheart: You're not even supposed to be alive. I should of killed *!~SPOILER ALERT Jake END SPOILER ALERT*!~ when I had the chance. (Read Bluestar's prophecy if you don't know what I'm talking about.)

Firepaw: What?

Lionheart: Fuck yourself.

Firepaw: Already did. Now repeat yourself.

Lionheart: Ok, I said: Firepaw is a faggot.

Graypaw: HAHAHAHAAHA! He got you there!

Firepaw: Shut up Graypaw you're supposed to be dead.

Graypaw: Oh right. *Collapses*

Bluestar: Ok guys let's act our age and get the fuck out of here.

Firepaw: Let's not and just go home. Seriously, why are we doing this?

Bluestar: Well I should just say because I said so but that would make me look like a bitch wouldn't it.

Narrator: You do that well enough yourself.

Bluestar: *Ignores* I'm going to the moonstone to seek council from Starclan.

Firepaw: Why?

Bluestar: Cause I said so.

Firepaw: Bitch.

Bluestar: Already knew that.

Narrator: I could have told you tha- *Gets tomahawked to the face and a large "Scalper" appears over Bluestar*

Firepaw:…Wow that just shows you how old this story is.

Bluestar: This is why we should continue on and end this torture!

Tigerclaw: I fucking second that.

Bluestar: Do you have to include "fuck" in everything you say?

Tigerclaw: Fuck no.

Bluestar: Thought not. Let's continue.

Everyone else: M'Kay.

End Scene 2

Scene 3

Narrator: The Thunderclan cats step out onto Windclan territory.

Bluestar: God I hate when people I kill randomly come back to life.

Graypaw: I know right. It's fucking stupid.

Bluestar: That it is young Firepaw. *Steps out onto a rock in front of the others.* I have an announcement to make!

Lionheart: Lemons time?

Bluestar: What? Fuck no; go read 95% of the mature board if you want that.

Lionheart: Awwww. *Head droops*

Bluestar: Ok, so I am sick of you losers coming back to life after you're dead. The next one, who dies, stays dead. Got it? Excluding me of course.

Firepaw: Why excluding you?

Bluestar: Cause I'm the leader dipshit.

Tigerclaw: Not for long. I'm going to murder you, you fucking pompous little slutty bitch.

Bluestar: That's nice Tigerclaw. *Steps off the rock and continues along Windclan's territory. Everyone else begins to follow her.*

Tigerclaw: What a fucking hypocrite. She comes back to life all the time.

Firepaw: I know right.

Tigerclaw: Shut the fuck up kittypet!

Firepaw: Tigerclaw, I've been part of the clan for like 5 moons get over yourself.

Tigerclaw: I will tear your fucking heart out and have it ripped to shreds by a thousand…DOGS!

Narrator: Sure enough dogs were rapidly running towards them over the horizon.

Bluestar: Shut the fuck up and scatter!

*Everyone scatters but Lionheart who still has his head drooped because of the absence of lemons and does not notice the dogs coming and is too wrapped up in his own thoughts to hear the other cats calling him.*

Lionheart: I was really hoping for lemons…

Bluestar: LIONHEART, YOU FUCKING IDIOT RUN!

Lionheart: *Tear slides down his face.* Nobody loves me-

*Is cut off as one of the dogs jumps on him and starts swinging him around rapidly.*

Graypaw: Oh my God, Lionheart!

Firepaw: Holy shit! What are we going to do?

Bluestar: *Is freaking out and holding a R700* I can't get the shot! I might hit Lionheart.

Narrator: It's kind of to late anyway. *Points and rolls his eyes in boredom*

*Lionheart was savagely being eaten by the other two dogs that had caught up and were feasting on his blood and flesh.*

Bluestar: Oh my God, Lionheart, NO! *Starts to cry*

*Everyone else except Narrator and Tigerclaw bows their head in silence.*

Tigerclaw: *Is giggling uncontrollably*

Bluestar: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LAUGHING!

Tigerclaw: *Snorts* He got eaten. *giggles*

Graypaw: You sick bastard.

Tigerclaw: Shut the fuck up, Gaypaw.

Gaypaw: Dick.

Tigerclaw: Yeah, you should get one.

Firepaw: Shouldn't we say a few words for Lionheart?

Tigerclaw: Why?

Firepaw: Because he's dead…?

Tigerclaw: So?

Firepaw:…Touché.

Tigerclaw: I know.

Bluestar: We should move on…*Trudges on sadly.*

Firepaw: M'Kay *Follows behind.*

End Scene 3

Scene 4

Bluestar: We're at Mothermouth.

Graypaw: Cool.

Bluestar: Shut the fuck up, Firepaw.

Graypaw: I hate you.

Narrator: As you should. Everyone hates Bluestar in the Warriors' world.

Bluestar: What?

Narrator: What?

Firepaw: *Humming 6 foot, 7 foot*

Bluestar: I didn't hear you.

Narrator: Clean out your mahfucking ears

Bluestar: Awiite.

Firepaw: So what the fuck we doing here?

Bluestar: Your mom. Repeatedly. In the butt.

Firepaw: You are a fag.

Bluestar: Get laid.

Tigerclaw: *Approaches Mothermouth slowly* What a mysterious place…

Bluestar:…You ok Tigerclaw? "mysterious" is a pretty big word for you.

Tigerclaw: Kill yourself you sadistic abusive fucking whore.

Firepaw: I see what you did there. Good one Tigerclaw.

Tigerclaw: Shut the fuck up, kittypet.

Firepaw: -.- M'Kay

Narrator:…Wait…that's it? All we did is insult each other.

Writer: Not unlike the first 3 episodes.

Narrator: You're just lazy.

Writer: Maybe I'm going for a cliffhanger here.

Narrator: Lies.

Writer: Oh really? Next time on the next exciting episode of Warriorcats Parody. Bluestar will touch her nose to a big hard rock. Tigerclaw will become a pussy…even though he already is one. Firepaw will just kind of be there. Graypaw does not exsist. Lionheart means nothing to me. Narrator will kill stuff. Rats will be ghetto. Obviously an exciting episode you do NOT want to miss. Stay tuned!

Narrator: Fag.

End Scene 4

End Episode 8


	9. Chapter 9

**Mmm sorry for late update! I even say in the description that I won't be updating this story as much sooooooo I apologize but dats da way it is (; Enjoy!**

11/24/11

Script ep: 9

Warriors Parody

Into The Wild

(After Intro)

Scene 1

Narrator: Everyone seems to be asleep on the ground.

Bluestar: Hrm…wha-? *Says sleepily, blinking her eyes open.*

Firepaw: Are we back? *Yawns as he stretches out.*

Tigerclaw: God, it's been fucking forever! *Cracks his back.*

Narrator: Yes, it is time for a new episode.

Bluestar: Fan-fucking-tastic. What were we doing? It's been like 8 months so excuse me if I don't remember.

Narrator: It doesn't matter. I doubt we have any fans left after such a long time.

Bluestar: Does that mean I can go back to my old job of prostitution?

Narrator: If you must.

Bluestar: Excellent.

Firepaw: Hey, look guys! I found a cave!

Graypaw: Cool bro! I just found twenty dollars!

Firepaw: Nobody cares, Graypaw.

Graypaw: Why are you such a dick?

Firepaw: Why are you so ugly?

Graypaw: Way to answer a question with a question.

Firepaw: I don't give a fuck.

Bluestar: Me haz good idea.

Firepaw: I don't give a fuck.x2

Bluestar: You will once you hear my idea.

Firepaw: What is it?

Bluestar: Let's go inside.

Firepaw: Brilliant, Holmes!

Bluestar: My name is Bluestar, dumbass.

Firepaw: M'kay.

End Scene 1

Scene 2

Narrator: Bluestar, Firepaw, and Graypaw enter the cave. Tigerclaw remains outside and Ravenpaw is still asleep.

Ravenpaw: No, I'm not! You just won't include me in anything!

Narrator: Actually, he won't. *Points to Writer.*

Writer: *Waves*

Ravenpaw: Let me go in the cave!

Writer: No. Go to sleep kid.

Ravenpaw: *Goes to sleep.*

Writer: MY WORD IS LAW, BITCHES!

Firepaw: Cool man.

Graypaw: Tigerclaw, how come you're not going?

Tigerclaw: Cause I don't wanna spend another second with you faggots.

Graypaw: So you're a pussy?

Tigerclaw: Yes I am but what does that have to do with anything?

Graypaw: Oh…never mind.

Tigerclaw: Dumbass.

Narrator: They walk into the cave. They zig-zag down the maze-like tunnels until they discover a light at the end of the mountain corridor.

Bluestar: Hey, look guys, light.

Firepaw: I just jizzed with excitement. *Sarcasm*

Bluestar: Fuck off.

Firepaw: All day. Erry day.

Narrator: They approach the light source.

Bluestar: Is that…?

Graypaw: No…way…

Firepaw: *Bursts out laughing and dives to the floor shaking with laughter.*

Bluestar: WHY IS THE MOONSTONE IN THE SHAPE OF A PENIS?

Narrator: It is rather peculiar…

Graypaw: Starclan has a sick, sick mind.

Firepaw: *Laughing* Are you kidding! That's hilarious! Bluestar has to put her nose to that thing!

Bluestar: Oh my God…

Firepaw: Haha! Hey, Bluestar! Is that thing good enough! Or are you used to bigger?

Narrator: Didn't you have to come here when you became a leader…?

Bluestar: Yeah but I don't remember it being a penis…then again I was drunk out of my mind so it could've been and I had just forgotten.

Firepaw: Well aren't you gonna do it Bluestar? *Winks at her.*

Bluestar: *She smiles back.* Why yes I am! And you're gonna come with me!

Firepaw: Whaaaa? Am I even allowed to?

Bluestar: Of course you are! And if I say you are then you absolutely will go with me. *Winks back at him.*

Firepaw: But I don't want to go!

Bluestar: I don't care what you want or don't want. You are gonna take your nose and press it against that fat cock weather you like it or not!

Firepaw: *Whimpers* Fine.

Bluestar: Hey don't sweat it. When you get to be my age you'll be used to having dicks in your face.

Firepaw: That's disgusting…

Bluestar: You know you like it, fag.

Firepaw: I find that term offensive.

Bluestar: I find your face offensive. Now put your nose against that penis!

Firepaw: M'kay. *Touches his nose to the Moonstone.*

End Scene 2

Scene 3

Narrator: Firepaw opens his eyes to see he is in a field of green and the sky ablaze with soft light.

Firepaw: Woah, Narrator, you're here to?

Narrator: You know me. I couldn't resist putting my face against a dick.

Firepaw: You are disgusting.

Narrator: Bitch, I was born this way.

*Just then Bluestar appears from nowhere.*

Bluestar: Alright let's get this over with.

Narrator: Starclan cats begin to appear.

Dream Cat: Yo what up, niggas?

Firepaw: …Hey aren't you that cat that was in my dream a coupl- *Is silenced when the Starclan cats puts a paw to his lips.*

Dream Cat: Shhhh, let's not talk about the past.

Firepaw: *Speaks behind the paw in a muffled voice.* M'Kay…

Bluestar: What's a nigga?

Firepaw: I think it's whatever that cat is saying. *Points to the Nyan Cat.*

Bluestar: Nah, I'm pretty sure It's saying just "nyah" and "meow". Nyah is meow in Japanese I believe.

Firepaw: Nah, I'm pretty sure he's saying meow and nigga. What a racist cat!

Bluestar: I thought you said you don't know what nigga meant?

Firepaw: I don't…

Bluestar: But I thought you just said-

Narrator: the stupidity of you two is enough to drive me to drink.

Bluestar: Well that sucks…

*Awkward Silence.*

Dream Cat: Now then, why are you here?

Bluestar: Oh, great Starclan cat, I hear that my clan is in trouble from a neighboring clan. Shadowclan seems to threaten us because we took in a cat that ran away from their clan.

Dream Cat: Oh yes, they are. In fact they are attacking right now.

Bluestar: …WHAT?

Dream Cat: Yeah, come have a look. *Waves them over to a T.V.*

Narrator: Everyone walks over and looks up at the tv screen as it shows footage of Thunderclan being attacked by Shadowclan.

Bluestar: Wait…I remember this…this was from years ago…

Dream Cat: Ooooh, my bad. This is footage I was watching earlier. Hold on I'll change it.

Firepaw: *Whistles* Dayum, you were good looking Bluestar. What happened?

Bluestar: Shut up you fucking imbecile.

Firepaw: Does having a star at the end of your name automatically make you hideous or something?

Bluestar: *Slaps*

Firepaw: :'(

Bluestar: Don't be rude.

Firepaw: M'kay.

End Scene 3

Scene 4

Dream Cat: Ah, yes. Here's the present footage.

Narrator: The screen flickers to the present time as Shadowclan has just begun an attack on Thunderclan.

Bluestar: OMG…there are two of them attacking Whitestripe.

Firepaw: Damn we're getting our ass kicked.

Narrator: It was true. Almost all the males had been put down unconscious or dead while the women of Thunderclan were being raped in the middle of the camp.

Firepaw: SHIT! THEY'RE DPING SPOTTEDLEAF! WE HAVE TO GET BACK TO CAMP!

Bluestar: Why is she smiling…?

Firepaw: What? She's not smiling!

Bluestar: Yeah she is. Look at the grin on her face.

Firepaw: That's a grimace!

Bluestar: Then how come she's beckoning another guy to come join them?

Firepaw: She's not! She's clawing at the ground to get away!

Dream Cat: I can put the audio on so we can tell for sure.

Firepaw: No! Don't!

Dream Cat: *Does it anyway.*

Spottedleaf: -MY GOD DON'T YOU FUCKING STOP FOR ONE SECOND! FUCK ME LIKE THE WHORE I AM! MAKE ME YOUR PROPERTY! RAM ME UNTIL I GO BLIND AND DEAF!

Bluestar: Jesus Christ what a fucking whore.

Firepaw: THESE ARE ALL LIES!

Narrator: Am I the only one amused by all this?

Bluestar: Sir, *addressing Dream Cat* we need to get back to my clan.

Dream Cat: You're going?

Bluestar: Yes, our clan needs us.

Firepaw: I need to save Spottedleaf!

Bluestar: I don't think you need to worry about her at all, Firepaw. She seems to be getting along just fine.

Firepaw: Bitch.

Dream Cat: Go? I'm afraid that's impossible.

Bluestar: No, it actually isn't.

Narrator: *Chuckles*

*Dream cats have steadily closed in on the Thunderclan cats.*

Firepaw: Ummm Bluestar…

Bluestar: I see them. Why won't you let us go?

Dream Cat: It's been a long time since there has been living cats foolish enough to venture into Starclan; we crave something new to try.

Bluestar: What do you mean?

Dream Cat: *Grins* Sex.

Bluestar: Oh dear God.

Firepaw: *Facepalm* You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

Narrator: I am no longer amused. You won't like me when I'm unamused.

Dream Cat: On the contrary. This will make what we do now a lot more fun. *Grins wickedly and closes in on the Thunderclan cats with the other Dream cats.*

Firepaw: Damn, if this is Starclan I can only imagine what the Dark Forest is like…

End Scene 4

End Episode 9


	10. Chapter 10

**I ain't even have to say nothing. You know what it is. ;D**

7/5/12

Script ep: 10

Warriors Parody

Into The Wild

(After intro)

Scene 1

Narrator: That awkward moment when we're about to be raped by dead cats…sounds like Spottedleaf's kinky daydreams.

Bluestar: That awkward moment when everyone wants you to kill yourself and you still haven't done it.

Narrator: That awkward St. Patty's day party last year.

Bluestar: Ho, shit, say nothing you hear!

Narrator: Tell that to my dick while you're sucking on it will ya?

Firepaw: That's quite a mouthful! *nudge nudge wink wink*

Narrator: *Pushes into the Starclan cats* Go get fucked.

Firepaw: No! *Is being carried away by the Starclan cats.*

Bluestar: Sacrificing the virgin! Nice, Narrator!

Narrator: You're still a filthy whore.

Bluestar: You are what you eat out.

Narrator: Now that they're gone can you wake up so we can get out of this hellhole?

Bluestar: Fuck me first?

Narrator: Clothes=Off *Clothes just kind of fly away*

Bluestar: Ohbby.

*They fuck the shit out of each other to the pleasant music of Firepaw's asshole being torn apart.*

End Scene 1

Scene 2

*Bluestar and Narrator wake up besides the "moon rock" while Firepaw still slumbers.*

Bluestar: That was….fun. *Licks down her sex fur.

Narrator: Eh. Should we wake him up?

Bluestar: Nah let him suffer.

Graypaw: OH MY GOD YOU GUYS ARE BACK! *Screaming like a bitch*

Firepaw: …Uh..wha-OH GOD DON'T STICK THAT THER-Oh…thanks for helping me out there. Fucktards.

Bluestar: You're sweet. Let's get the fuck out of here this was pointless Starclan wasn't helpful at all.

*They leave the cave*

Tigerclaw: The hell have you guys been? I feel like I've been waiting eight months.

Bluestar: Exactly how long it took to get your mom knocked up.

Tigerclaw: You have a sloppy vagina.

Bluestar: And your penis is small, however this besides the point. My clan is in trouble. Let's go. *Walks away*

Firepaw: My ass hurts…what was I dreaming about?

Graypaw: Last night?

Firepaw: No I don't think so…

Graypaw: Oh…

Firepaw: What?

Graypaw: Dreaming about someone else fucking you huh?

Firepaw: Graypaw it's not like tha-

Graypaw: No. No. Don't even say anything. Just…*walks away*

Firepaw: Graypaw…I love you.

Graypaw: *Keeps walking*

Tigerclaw: FAG. *Slaps him across the face* Gay ass prick. Get in line, slut.

Firepaw: *Sniff* M'kay.

End Scene 2

Scene 3

Bluestar: *Humming* Dat shit cray….ain't it Jay?

Graypaw: Shut the fuck up kittypet.

Bluestar: What'd you just call me?

Graypaw: A slut? You are one aren't you?

Bluestar: Well you don't have to gloat…

Graypaw: I have nothing to gloat about. Tiny penis.

Bluestar: Tried pills?

Graypaw: Yeah they didn't work.

Bluestar: Really? I heard from ole big dick back there-

Tigerclaw: You know it.

Narrator: She was referring to me.

Tigerclaw: You wish fag.

Narrator: Bitch, please.

Bluestar: Anyway, I heard the pills that the porn sites advertise actually work.

Graypaw: I haven't tried them yet.

Bluestar: I haven't tried you yet either.

Graypaw: What did you have in mind?

Bluestar: No limits.

Graypaw: Oh shit…hey you actually acknowledged my existence.

Bluestar: Don't I always, Lionheart?

Graypaw: …Cunt.

Narrator: Everyone gasps and Bluestar starts hitting Graypaw repeatedly.

Bluestar: Don't (smack) you (smack) ever (smack) say (smack) that (smack) again (smack) Lionheart. (smack)

Graypaw: *Is bruised and broken.*

Tigerclaw: Hey fuckers, we have a little problem here.

Bluestar: Yes, your small dick is an issue. We will fix that too don't worry.

Tigerclaw: No, you dumbass fucking bitch. Look.

Narrator: In front of them stood a large group of rats.

Rats: Yo wha up bih ass sluts. Da fuk yu tink ya doin here?

Fireclan: Oh shit.

End Scene 3

Scene 4

Firepaw: Scene 4 already? Wow this is a short one.

Bluestar: GOD DAMMIT DO ALL OF YOU HAVE PENIS PROBLEMS?

Firepaw: Yep.

Graypaw: Yep.

Tigerclaw: Yep.

Narrator: Nope. Swagger to the max.

Bluestar: You like big dick in your mouth.

Narrator: You like it surrounding you from all sides.

Bluestar: And don't you forget it bitch (;

Rat Leader: Yo, ho! Get da fuck ow here!

Bluestar: Why should we?

Rat Leader: Cause dis shit our turf.

Bluestar: And I'm a flying purple vagina. You can't own something you can't defend. Bitch.

Rat Leader: Bih, I cut yu.

Firepaw: You sound like a fucking idiot.

Rat Leader: I'm gun take yu an imam rip yo fuking cock off you damn dirty mah fuckin- *Is cut off because Bluestar bites into him and then swallows him whole.*

Narrator: All the other hoodlum cats go running off in terror.

Graypaw: Holy shit how did she eat him whole. He was huge.

Bluestar: I got a deep throat hun. *winks*

Graypaw: ~Instaboner~

Bluestar: Onward! To the next episode!

Firepaw: 8 more months people! See you then!

End Scene 4

Scene 5

Writer: IT DOESN'T SAY ANYWHERE THAT YOU ARE LIMITED TO ONLY 4 SCENES AN EPISODE, BLUESTAR!

Bluestar: I SIGNED UP FOR FOUR SCENES. NO MORE. NO LESS!

Writer: I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE PREGNANT YOU WHORE. YOU SIGNED UP FOR THIS SHIT SO YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO TAKE IT LIKE A BITCH!

Bluestar: YOUR MOM TOOK IT LIKE A BITCH LAST NIGHT!

Writer: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE!

Bluestar: *Flicks off and leaves*

Firepaw: What'd he say?

Bluestar: He said he has a tiny pecker. Looks like we have to do another scene guys.

Graypaw: Scene…I like scene hair.

Bluestar: The only scene I like is the one where everyone pretended you didn't exist. We should get back to that.

Graypaw: So you were pretending!

Bluestar: Did you hear something, Tigerclaw?

Tigerclaw: Just the sweet sound of a nagging bitch asking me stupid questions.

Graypaw: Assholes.

Barley: Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, what up boooois? *Walks out from the bushes*

Bluestar: Barley! *Tacklehugs him* Baby, I've missed you!

Tigerclaw: Bluestar…showing love to someone?

Firepaw: BRAIN…CANNOT…COMPUTE.

Bluestar: Barley! How have you been?

Barley: Baby, I've been fiiine. Why haven't you visited me in so long?

Bluestar: Well you haven't called me babe.

Firepaw: Woah, woah. Bluestar, it's against the warrior code to have relations with a cat outside your own clan.

Bluestar: What?

Firepaw: You can't fuck anyone unless they're in your clan.

Bluestar: Who said I'm fucking Barley? Barley's gay you dingus!

Firepaw: Oh. *derp*

Barley: Hey babes!

Tigerclaw: Hey, Barley.

Firepaw: Hey, Barley.

Graypaw: Hey, Barley.

Ravenpaw: Hey, Barley.

Narrator: Everyone turns to stare at Ravenpaw.

Bluestar: Ravenpaw? What are you doing here?

Ravenpaw: I've been here the whole time!

Bluestar: Lies! Filthy disgusting lies!

Ravenpaw: I hate you.

Barley: *Walks over to Ravenpaw.* Hey, Ravenpaw. It's very nice to meet you. *winks*

Ravenpaw: Uh, thanks?

Barley: You like clan life Ravenpaw?

Ravenpaw: Uh…it's okay.

Barley: Just "okay"?

Ravenpaw: Well, yeah…I don't like it that much.

Barley: You should come live with me kiddo!

Ravenpaw: Uh, what? I don't thi-

Barley: Baby, I'm just kidding with you. Come on I'll show you around the farm though. We'll take a nice look around and see how you like it.

Ravenpaw: What? No. I don't want to go with y-

Barley: *Grabs his chin stopping his words* Shut your whore mouth, you little bitch. You're mine now.

Ravenpaw: *Whimpers*

Barley: Come on. *Grabs him by the top of his head and drags him forward.* Nice meeting you all! Love you Bluey!

Bluestar: Love you too babes!

Graypaw: He seemed like a nice guy.

Firepaw: Yeah…who was that cat he dragged away with him?

Graypaw: My dick.

Firepaw: …Mkay.

End Scene 5

End Episode 10


	11. Chapter 11

**It's that time of the year again bitches! LEGGO.**

2/9/13

Script ep: 11

Warriors Parody

Into The Wild

(After Intro)

Scene 1

Narrator: The gang walks back into the camp.

Graypaw: Guys! We're back!

Bluestar: You do realize people are trying to sleep right...it's the middle of the night...you idiot fuck.

Graypaw: Now, now. I'm just happy to be home. It feels like it's been years.

Bluestar: Kill yourself.

Firepaw: He is right though. It's nice to be home. Excuse me while I go shove my dick down

Spottedleaf's throat.

Bluestar: I hope she bites it off.

(Firepaw walks away)

Tigerclaw: Well that was the most pointless thing ever.

Bluestar: No, the most pointless thing ever was giving you a penis. Not like you use it or anything.

Tigerclaw: I'm literally considering feeding you too a group of horny gorillas.

Bluestar: I'm literally not giving two fucks.

Graypaw: Sometimes I dream about having a plate shoved up my ass.

Everyone: …

Bluestar: Does anyone even like you?

Graypaw: Your mom.

Bluestar: YEAH CAUSE MY MOM'S NOT DEAD OR ANYTHING.

Graypaw: Necrophilia, babe. (;

Bluestar: You sicken me.

Graypaw: Your pussy sickens me.

Bluestar: Is that your way of coming out of the closet?

(Tigerclaw gets bored and just walks away.)

Graypaw: I'm going to sleep.

Bluestar: Shut up.

(Graypaw walks away and Bluestar stares around at the empty clearing, minus Yellowfang who's mastuerbating vigourously.)

Bluestar: Fuck this shit.

(Bluestar walks away to go to sleep.)

End Scene 1

Scene 2

(Spottedleaf wakes up the next morning to find a flaccid dick in her mouth. She pushes the body off

him and looks at it and recognizes Firepaw.)

Spottedleaf: Firepaw your back!

Firepaw: *Still asleep and mumbling in his sleep* Make me a sandwich you fucking bitch... *Rolls

over*

Spottedleaf: *Glares at Firepaw* Wake up dickhead!

Firepaw: *Wakes up* Spottedleaf!

Spottedleaf: Hey cutie 3

Firepaw: I missed you!

Spottedleaf: Liar. You just want me for sex.

Firepaw: That's not the only thing I want you for.

Spottedleaf: -_- You're so romantic.

Firepaw: Did you know that you swallow in your sleep?

Spottedleaf: Did you know that you're a piece of shit?

Firepaw: I'm aware.

Spottedleaf: Mhmm. Well get out of my den I've got work to do.

Firepaw: You mean you've got me to do!

Spottedleaf: No, I mean that you should go fuck yourself while I organize some herbs.

Firepaw: Yeah oka- NOW WAIT A MINUTE!

Spottedleaf: Oh God what the fuck now?

Firepaw: You cheated on me.

Spottedleaf: Yeah I know.

Firepaw: That's all you have to say?

Spottedleaf: I also wanted to say that they were bigger.

Firepaw: You sassy slut fuck.

Spottedleaf: I'm joking! They raped me. I liked it. Why don't you ever rape me?

Firepaw: Maybe cause your legs are usually more open than your eyes are.

Spottedleaf: You're so sweet. ^_^ I hear Bluestar calling. Let's go outside.

Firepaw: M'kay.

End Scene 2

Scene 3

Bluestar: Everyone get the fuck beneath the highrock!

(Cats gather)

Bluestar: Alright, I want to know what happened while I was away. I er...heard that Shadowclan

attacked.

(The cats giggle)

Bluestar: Anyone want to tell me what's so fucking amusing?

Spottedleaf: We weren't attacked! Shadowclan just came over to fuck the women and embarrass the

men.

Bluestar: What the fuck do you think an attack is you fucking whore?

Random cat: Dude, Brokenstar was huge.

Yellowfang: Oh hell yeah he is.

Bluestar: Well, I'm glad to hear y'all enjoyed being sexually dominated. Meanwhile, my crew and I

were attacked my dogs, Lionheart died, we were almost raped by Starclan, we were attacked by rats,

and some black cat was abducted.

Spottedleaf: Hey, Bluestar, see this cup? *Holds up an empty glass*

Bluestar: How the fuck are you holding that without thumbs?

Spottedleaf: This glass represents how many fucks we give.

Bluestar: Clever...you stupid bitch.

Tigerclaw: I hope you all enjoyed your night of being idiots. Now that we're back that's over.

Longtail: Night?

Spottedleaf: You guys were gone for a lot longer than a night.

Bluestar: No we didn't...are you fucking insane.

Spottedleaf: You guys were gone for at least two years.

(Silence)

Bluestar: That's not even remotely possible. Have you literally been fucked so much that your brains actually fell out?

Spottedleaf: I swear. You guys were gone a long time.

Firepaw: Bluestar, I think she's right. Do you think that maybe when we were in Starclan time kind of

accelerated?

Bluestar: No! Tigerclaw would have said something.

Firepaw: Tigerclaw, how long were we in the cave?

Tigerclaw: Shut the fuck up kittypet.

Firepaw: …..Bluestar, you ask him.

Bluestar: Tigerclaw, were we in that cave for two years?

Tigerclaw: Yeah...cunt.

Bluestar: What?! You stood out there the whole time?

Tigerclaw: Basically.

Bluestar: What'd you do the whole time?

Tigerclaw: I don't know...masturbated, like, 3,657 times by my count.

Bluestar: Tigerclaw...that means you masturbated at least five times a day.

Tigerclaw: You guys were gone a long time...

Firepaw: You guys fucked for two years?

Spottedleaf: Basically. It was more like we were sex slaves for two years. Best time of my life.

Bluestar: Well we know what we must do. We must travel to Shadowclan and regain our honor by

killing them all!

Firepaw: You and I both know were all just going to have sex.

Bluestar: Heh, yeah. After all I haven't had sex for two years. Get your dick ready, Firepaw.

Firepaw: M'kay.

End Scene 3

Scene 4

Bluestar: Were off to fuck some boys! The wonderful boys of Shadowclan! We'll fuck, we'll fuck, we'll

fuck, we'll fuuuuuuuck! We'll fuck until we cum!

Firepaw: Nah, brah I'm straight.

Bluestar: Liar, I know you and Graypaw got more than just a bromance going on over there.

Firepaw: …...Leave us alone.

Graypaw: Hey arn't we uh..."attacking" Shadowclan?

Bluestar: Yes, fuckface. Why do you ask?

Graypaw: Well I was wondering why it's just us from the quest to the Dickstone and...Spottedleaf.

Spottedleaf: Hey! ^_^

Firepaw: Did I say you could talk, slut?

Spottedleaf: No, I'm sorry, Master.

Firepaw: Don't let it happen again.

Bluestar: Well, Graypaw, all those ho's in Thunderclan were already fucked for two years. I'd say their

thirst is quenched.

Graypaw: Then why is Spottedleaf here?

Spottedleaf: Because I'm always thirsty (;

Firepaw: SPOTTEDLEAF. WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

Spottedleaf: Ahhh! I'm sorry! Would it please master to fuck my pussy?

Firepaw: Later.

Graypaw: Why are you treating Spottedleaf like that?

Firepaw: She's being punished for cheating on me. She's my slave for a week now.

Spottedleaf: *Whispers* Secretly, I want him to treat me like this forever. Such a turn on.

Graypaw: SMH. Sluts these days.

Bluestar: Narrator, you've been quiet. Why haven't you been talking.

Narrator: Cause I have nothing to say...?

Bluestar: Oh...

Narrator: Why do you ask?

Bluestar: No reason...

**Awkward silenc**e

Tigerclaw: *Cough* We're here guys.

Bluestar: This is it guys! The battle to end all battles! Let's fuck some pussy and eat some cock!

Spottedleaf: Fuck yeah!

Graypaw: On it!

Tigerclaw: My body is ready.

Firepaw: M'kay.

End Scene 4

**Well, guys. Just letting you know, the next episode will be the finale. It's been a great run. I wrote the first chapter as a 7th grader and now I'm a junior in high school and the story will probably be complete when I'm a senior. Just wanted to take the time to thank all the fans in advance. Y'all have been great! **

**Love always,**

**Mcnug3ts**


End file.
